a very scary beginning

       Here I am, in a new place once again. This time, I’m located somewhere far in Texas. Austin. Yes, I’m in Austin. I’ve decided to start my next journey in Austin. Why Austin? A question that I have been asked daily since I’ve moved. I’m more than happy to tell you…

Every time I answer this question, I answer in various ways.

Do you want to know the whole truth?

                                                                   I have no idea, really.

With my graduation date approaching quicker than I had anticipated, I had to decide the next step. My goal plan was entirely blank. I had no idea what I wanted to do, except going to New Zealand.

                        New Zealand? Yes, but I know I’m not ready for that trip yet. Timing is not right… just yet.

      What am I going to do after I graduate? Originally, I was supposed to work with Conservation Corps, MN as an assistant director. I love Conservation Corps, MN dearly, but the thought of being drowned with their constantly on-the-go schedule was dreadful. If I did not have the crazy last year at Gallaudet with classes and two part-time jobs that I was sincere devoted to, the feeling about working in Minnesota will be different. It’s too bad.

Plus, I was having thoughts about moving to Austin right after the summer in Minnesota. But then, I wanted to start my life immediately, to find a steady job and call Austin a home without Austin being in it. Austin is my beau and he has been living in Austin for a while now. My inner independent goddess wanted to live the Austin life without him. My life will not be about him or us. It is about me. You perhaps would think it’s a lonely life, but it is safer for me. I cannot afford losing myself again.

I arrived Austin last Tuesday in the early afternoon with two bags and a backpack with no expectations. You can imagine the feeling of fear and nervous was quite overwhelming for me during that week. So overwhelming that I could not bring myself to eat a solid meal for few days. I left Pennsylvania being upset, and disappointed with myself. It was not exactly ideal emotional week for me. As few days pass by, I recovered just a little bit with the wonderful remedy of jogging every morning. Job searching has been exhausting. I made an appointment to visit St. Edwards University to check their graduate program out. I like it, but golly, their tuition costs way much more than Gallaudet University’s four-year tuition total.

Last night, I started my art project.

      It was exactly what I needed. 

Then I started to doodled something. I really miss rock-climbing. The thrill of it.

Then, again this morning I got started on my next tattoo project. It’s starting to look really good. I’m stoked about it! I’m going to look for a local tattoo artist and get the estimate for this particular tattoo piece.

     I looked into my older posts…

“The reason that I am holding tightly to God... is He is the only one thing that remains same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Every single thing in my life has been changed, except for His love.

It's true.”

Not really...I need to work on my love for myself. I want my love for myself to be unconditional. When you lose everything else, you only have yourself to hold on to. 

Losing myself

its all part of the journey.

I've been working so many hours this past weeks... then i realized that i'm starting to lose myself.

I hate the fact that I do not know what I want from my life at this moment.

I've never experienced having my goal list being blank.

just like that.

am i trying to make myself available for any opportunity that may be present to me one day soon?

oh dear, i hope its soon.

Rain& Hot White Chocolate.

Nothing beats a cup of Coccolata bianca con o senza panna on a cold rainy night with a friend at the tea room a few blocks away from my apartment.

I read this somewhere in a children’s book… and this is how I felt about my hair when I was much younger.

Andrea had curly hair.
It was curly on the top. It was curly on the sides.
It was curly down her back all the way to her bum.
It was curly when it was wet.
It was curly when it was dry.
And Andrea hated it.

But now… this is me:

Bethany had curly hair.
It was curly on the top. It was curly on the sides.
It was curly down her back all the way to her bum.
It was curly when it was wet.
It was curly when it was dry.
And Andrea loved it.

She loved to show it off whenever she can.

And she loves how her hair smells.

The carbs are starting to show… through my belly.  Dang...

“What should we have for dinner tonight?”

“Hmm.. I don’t know. What choices do we have?”

“Pasta, pizza, pizza, pizza or… pasta?”

“Uhhh, lets go with pasta… once again.”

That’s pretty much the dilemma I am enduring with. It’s actually more difficult to try to be creative with cooking, especially with the limited food offered in the grocery store. All they offer… is bread, bread, pasta, prosciutto, cheese, milk, vegetables and more bread.

Oh, how can I forget vino?!?!

  Wait, I lied. I had veggie wrap last night with friends. It was delish! Along with a cup of warm milk mixed with honey and whiskey for my poor throat and nose. It’s definitely not fun to have a cold in Italy...

  But its definitely fun to have a cup of warm milk with honey and whiskey.

Life, I like you…. A lot. 

I know this is not much to share, but honestly, I’m not too fond of writing. Alas, I made a vlog and split it into three short vlogs, so you wouldn't get tired of watchin one vlog for too long :) Each vlog is about 2-3 min.

I will post some pictures tomorrow. Come back later and check the pictures out! 

Vlog 1 of three

 

The reason that I am holding tightly to God... is He is the only one thing that remains same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Every single thing in my life has been changed, except for His love.

It's true.

“’Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord, who has compassion on you” (Isaiah 54:10)

An extremely lazy sunday in Tuscany.

All emails are answered, my daily journal is updated, my clean clothes are hung to dry, and a cup of fresh brewed coffee… what else do I have to do…? 

Oh! Yes.. yes.. update my blog! 

It is not common for Italians to use dryers. There are no dryer in the apartments/ homes… except at Laundromats. My interpreter, Austin went to a laundromat a week ago or so to dry his clothes. It cost him nearly 16 or 18 euros to dry his two loads! Egad! 

 Out of everything I miss about United States, I miss using the dryer the most. Aside from having a living room.  Oh how I miss taking my warm clothes out of the dryer. But, I decided to look up online to see the pros of air-drying clothes. Here is what I found: 

http://www.earthlingshandbook.org/laundry

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/329919/air_drying_laundry_save_time_space.html

But to save time… really?!? It takes about two days for my clothes to be completely dried. It is taking foreverrrr!  I know, it saves time from not having to iron but I never iron my clothes. (Yeah, I know… it is obvious that I don’t have a real job, requiring me to wear ironed clothes.) I guess I like being a student for this particular reason.

Tomorrow is the official first day of my spring semester at Siena School for Liberal Arts

Yay!

Here's what my weekly schedule looks like:

Mondays: 3-6pm Drawing

Tuesdays: 9-10:30am Italian Culture, 10:45-4pm Art Restoration

Wednesdays: 9-11am Drawing, 1:45-2:45pm LIS (Italian Sign Language)

3-4:50pm Deaf Culture, 5-6pm LIS

Thursdays: 10:30-10:45am Tutti Insieme, 10:50-1:30 Painting

2-6:30pm Art Restoration

Fridays: 11:15-2pm Painting

And field trips to Florence for Art History on some Fridays

I still don't know when my Italian Language session will be. Throughout the semester, I will do an internship with the MPDF (Mason Perkins Deafness Fund)'s book project to create more educational picture books for the deaf children. It will be a good start for me in the books publishing world. I need to seize the opportunities to get involved with creating books as much as I can. I know this is what I want. But where do I begin? And how? 

My, my... my... to seize this grand opportunity in such a beautiful country like Italy? I am not going to waste any minute of my time, darling!

But wait.. Today is February 20^th already!? Time is flying too fast!

It’s almost March, and I haven’t gotten anything done yet.

There are two other community services that I am planning to participate once in a while throughout this semester and that is…. to help out at a nearby animal shelter and some kind of trail restoration somewhere in Tuscany. It’ll be fun! 

Asdlfkja;ksdfjafj!

Can you tell I’m excited?!?

No?

Lemme try again.

Omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg! I’m in ITALY! A;ksjfa;kjfkadjfkajslfj;afjj!

Asldkfjaklfja;lkdjfafja;dklfjakfjadkjfa!

SQUEALS!

Better?

Thought so.

As I was answering to my emails, I could not help it but become more worried about my plans for the upcoming summer and beyond. I applied for several internships in January and most of its deadlines are in February and March, hence, I won’t hear from most of them until April. UGH! 

It’s annoying to wait and wait. I much prefer to know NOW and get started on planning NOW. But, whatever, things will work out. 

Bethany, Bethy, Bethers, Beth, ByBy, B…

 please embrace every moment in Italy. It will be gone before you know it.

Embrace… it.

The more wonderful people I meet, the more I appreciate my life. I’m amazed how things tend to fall into its right place. I was recently encountered a dilemma that required me to really act like an adult, especially when I definitely did not want to do so. I had to step out of the situation and carefully analyze its impact on others before continuing with it. More than anything, I want to respect the others around me and yet respect myself as well. Respecting yourself is probably the most important thing in the entire world. 

If you cannot respect yourself...

who can truly respect you, for who you are?

Before coming to Italy, I made a promise to God that I would remain faithful to Him and maintain a strong spiritual relationship with Jesus. As I got busy with classes and exploring here in Italy, I started to ignore the small voice in my heart, crying out its deepest desire. A close friend of mine and I had a really good discussion last night, and without being straightforward, I was once reminded about my promise. I adored how God used my friend as a reminder. My respect for this certain friend has doubled after realizing how hard it was for the pal to be honest with me.

I love honest conversations--- the ones that each of us had to bring our raw emotions out, and yet challenge to overcome them with our logical decisions. I know I am being very vague with what I currently am experiencing and I intend to keep it as vaguely as possible.  

Living in Italy for a semester, I know that I would experience various stages of personal and spiritual growths. Some of it, I shall share with you, my readers, but some of them are for me to keep in my heart. I am inspired by Mary, Jesus’ mother by kept her treasures and pondered it in her heart. (Luke 2:19)

Here are some photos from last week:

Can you tell that I am extremely loving it here?

Yes! Spring is coming! Thank gawd!

it is definitely getting better... :)

life is so good here in siena!

     well... other than me still struggling with learning italian!

    I finally had an incredibly wonderful chance to meet more deaf Italians on Sunday. Barbara, my professor for the LIS class invited me to an orienting race she was participating with her Deaf friends. It was a fun experience for me to actual putting my LIS skill in practice. There were about 15 Deaf Italians at the race-- most are 30's or older, and some of them already learned some ASL. So, I already promised them that I would help them with ASL and English, as they will teach me more LIS in return.  I was not involved with the race, but I've decided that I will join them next month in Florence! Barbara is from Brasile, which was an amazing coincidence (yes, God was behind all of this ;) ) So, we were able to sign three different sign languages (ASL, LIS, and LIBRAS) all in one conversation! It was such a freeing feeling to use brasile sign language again. I miss it a lot. After talking to Barbara, I caught myself dreaming about returning to Brasile one day soon.

      I know it in my heart that I am definitely not done with Brasile. I've always known this since the day I left Brasile.

   Tonight, I went out for a drink with a new friend, Sarah. She is hearing, but is rapidly picking up sign language pretty well! I had such a good time with her, having girl-to-girl conversations. I also ordered a dolce (dessert)--- baguette with nutella and whipped cream. So delicious.

        Emotions amaze me. They have so much power over humans. Basically, emotions and attitudes definitely determine the mood of the day. Hence, we need to learn how to overcome our negative emotions with positive attitudes, in order to have a better day.

Oh those things make me want to dance...

Gelato... good laughs... champagne... and gorgeous scenery.

Definitely a good day..

 

Today, a bunch of us went to San Gimignano to try their 3 year-in-a-row world champion’s gelato. Before we left in the afternoon, we went to the local post office to send our residency permit (I think I said it right..?) There was a mini bookstore in the post office. Those who know me too well will say, “Oh dear. What did you get now?” I got an awesome pop-out book, Il Piccolo Principe (The Little Prince) by Antoine De Saint-Exupery. I need to have a children’s book in Italian language. I have like.. um 4-5 months left to look for some more books! I’m a children’s book frenzy. After that… A friend and I went to check some stores, and I’m literally drooling over the idea of owning a SLR camera. I once had a wonderful deal with a friend to purchase his SLR camera, but I thought that I wouldn’t be using it as much as I should… Heck, I was wrong! Now, I’m actually wishing that I bought the canon SLR camera from him for an amazing deal.  I love taking photos now! Below are some photos I recently took today.

My beloved readers… I have a favor to ask you- please let me know the pros and cons of having SLR camera and what’s the true difference between Canon and Nikon? Which kind I should consider buying…. (Just in case if I EVER buy one… they’re costly!)

The trip to San Gimignano… turned to be purposeless but FUN! Why did I say, “purposeless”? This gelato shop was closed. :( It won’t be opened until March… so we got the “second” best gelato. I had strawberry and lemon gelato. Oh my gosh…. It was sooo delicious! I’m actually still full from it! I had so much fun overall today with my wonderful friends, by walking around, eating some gelato, drink some champagne and continuing to be enthralled by the Tuscany's landscapes.

I had a chance to chat with two Deaf elders in San Gimignano, and due to my continuously learning LIS (Italian Sign Language), I was not able to catch some of their signs… or they had their own sign language? Austin and I began to wonder if regional variation in LIS were that STRONG in Italia, since they might do not interact with the other Deaf communities around in Italy. Correct me if I’m wrong? Also, I’m so excited- I was invited go to Castelfiorention for some Orienteering race with my LIS professor tomorrow. There will be more Deaf people there! Yipee! I feel like I’m very desperate to be around more Deaf people like a dehydrated person crying out for water.  More opportunity for me to practice my LIS skill! I believe that I will be able to pick up Italian language much easier, once I interact with the Deaf Italians. A friend had recently informed about a Deaf Comedy Entertainment in the south of Italy that will be held later in March. I AM GOING! But, I need to learn much much more LIS by March, so I can understand and enjoy the jokes, instead just sitting and being clueless as I attempt to understand their signs.

For a week, I was somehow lazy, trying to get myself comfortable in a new place- i've decided, "Enough of that," hence, I made a few goals for this week:

1.     Spend 30- 60 minutes to write (for children’s book) everyday

2.     Do 5+ sketches

3.     Run at least 3 times (there are a fortress nearby to run around)

4.     30 minutes extra practicing my Italian literacy (aside from my compiti… homework.)

I’ve been thinking about my plans for the summer- I really need to do an art internship and take some classes to be able to graduate on time in May 2012. I applied at several museums and art studios. I recently heard from the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC… I’ve been selected as one of the semifinalists for their Mentoring Program for College Juniors (only six finalists are selected).

                                                                                                SQUEALS!

I’m excited!!!  I should hear from them about their final decision by April 1. Meaning while… I have some time to consider about my options for this summer. I’m somehow tempted to stay here for a few more weeks during the summer, to take more art classes at Siena School for Liberal Arts and do an internship with them (to create more children’s books for the Deaf Italian children). I don't know yet...

                                                          ...It’s all up to Him. We’ll see what happens.

Here’s some photos! 

an italian dinner cooked by... moi!

My homemade italian dinner!

   For the past few days, I've been grabbing a slice of pizza or whatever looks good, going to a restaurant or eating with my roommates. I haven't had a chance to cook some dinner for myself yet, so this afternoon, I decided that I was going to do it tonight after my Italian language session! I stopped by a bakery and got some spinach gnocchi. Being clueless with cooking spinach gnocchi, I asked around what kind of sauce I should cook with the spinach gnocchi. Parmesan cheese and butter. That's it?!
     And, that what I did! I made some garlic bread and salad on the side. To the salad, I added mozzarella (honestly, I don't think i can eat America's string cheese ever again...), salami, tomato, and olive oil mixed with several spices and garlic as dressing. The spinach gnocchi was so delicious! I also added some milk and a bit of garlic to it. I wish that I've gotten more spinach gnocchi to cook plenty for my roommates. Tomorrow night, I'm going to try to make some regular pasta. It shouldn't be hard, right?

On a side note, things are definitely getting better here... Italian language session is challenging but fun! I thought that I would only learn to write and read Italian, but nope! I'm also learning LIS and how to speak Italian. Boy. I certainly didn't ask for a speech class, but my professor is making it fun to learn speaking Italian. I know that I cannot pronounce it perfectly, but I can barely... just to survive. ;)

    I'll be updating some vlogs soon... come back soon! Ciao ciao! Buona sera!